~Interview with my Husband:

I've been wanting to do an interview with my husband Ed for a while now, so I thought with this update I would do just that. He's open, he's honest and he's not one to mince words, as you'll see for yourself. If you have a question as a spouse of an amputee, please feel free to E-mail him.

Thanks Honey!!

1. Tell us a little about yourself.

Ed: I am a retired 58 year old Electrical Engineer. I am the husband of the bravest, most stubborn woman I have ever met. I wouldn't want her any other way.

2. What was your first reaction to the news of 'amputation'?

Ed: There were at least a dozen feelings and emotions running through me at one time. The strongest of these were fear, anger, denial, shock, and pain.

I was afraid of how my wife would react to the amputation. I was afraid of how our life would be from that point on. I was afraid the leg would keep dying and they would have to keep removing more and more.

I was angry at myself for not making my wife go to the doctor sooner and I was angry with my wife for not going to the doctor sooner. I was angry with the doctor for not finding a different way of curing my wife.

I didn't want to believe any of this was happening and I especially didn't want to believe my wife would actually lose her leg.

I hurt for my wife, knowing the physical pain she would be going through and knowing the anguish she would be feeling about losing a part of herself.

3. What was your biggest fear?

Ed: My biggest fear was that something would go wrong during the operation and that my wife would die.

4. As most of those who have read my Journal know, there was 12 days between the decision to amputate my leg and the actual surgery. As someone who had to go through the ordeal of waiting through those 12 days, what was going through your mind?

Ed: The worst part of waiting for the amputation was watching my wife suffer through the pain. They increased the morphine dosage they had her on daily, but it was always a little behind the pain. If you have ever watched someone you love in severe pain, then you know what I was going through. If you haven't then you don't have a clue. I was frustrated and angry the whole time. I wanted to sit down and cry, but I knew I couldn't. As the morphine dose got higher, she was farther removed from consciousness and reality, but the pain was still so bad she moaned and even screamed at times.

She didn't want to believe the leg would really have to be amputated, so she would ask me to feel of her foot every so often to see if it felt warmer. She would ask me if I thought the color was getting better and have me feel for a pulse in the foot. All I could see was a lump that got colder and blacker every day. I didn't know whether to be honest with her or to support her beliefs that it was or would get better. I chose honesty, but I still don't know if that was the right thing to do.

5. What reaction did you get from my family and yours?

Ed: My family reacted about the same way I did. Shock and disbelief mostly. They were very supportive though. We lived about 150 miles from them at the time, but they made the trip to see my wife. They also called daily to check on her and me.

I was a little disappointed in my wife's family. Yes, they lived 2000 miles away, so we didn't expect a visit, however if it had been my mother, I would have been there if it had been 10,000 miles. They did make a few phone calls, not anywhere near daily, and they offered no support to myself or to their brother.

6. If there was one thing you could change (besides the outcome), what would it be?

Ed: I didn't feel the doctor or the hospital offered enough information to be of any help to my wife or to me. It would have been nice to have had someone tell me the kinds of things a patient waiting for an amputation would be asking. It would have been nice to have been given some clues as to how to react in different situations that came up. I think at the very least a counselor should sit down with the family as soon as the diagnosis is made, and I feel the counselor should be available to help as new situations arise.

7. What is your opinion of Support Groups?

Ed: The only support group I came in contact with was a real loser. The members were more interested in politics and in making themselves look good than in helping anyone. I hope there are better ones out there.

8. As a husband who had to go through this ordeal, what piece of advice would you give to another spouse?

Ed: While they are in the hospital, stay with them as much as possible. Let them know you love them and that the amputation isn't going to change how you feel about them. If they have questions, find out the answers for them.

After they get out of the hospital, Make sure they know you still love them. Tell them frequently. Show them you love and support them with every thing you do. When they first come home is one of the most difficult times for an amputee. The old familiar things are there but they are not the same. The new amputee can't do the things they did before, and even if it is something they can do, they have to do it differently. Encourage them to do everything they can for themselves. Challenge them to do the things they don't feel they can do. Be there to praise them when they accomplish something new. Be there to support them when they fail. The best possible advice I can give to anyone is 'be there for them'.
~:~Interview Index~:~

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