My Journal (continued) Page 5

February 11, 2000 through March 29, 2000
Almost six weeks after the physical closure of my stump, I was one day away from getting casted for my new prosthesis!! I was happy, scared, pleased to know I may walk in a couple of weeks and yes, still scared. My incision line still wasn't closed completely. It kept oozing drainage and I was still wearing a bandage and ace on my stump. But I didn't let it get me down. I wanted more than anything to WALK!!

During this time I had been fitted at the hospital with what is called a 'Stump Shrinker'. It's a tightly woven sock placed on the stump to compress it, causing it to shrink and eventually turn into a conical shape which is needed for a prosthesis. The 'shrink stumper' as I affectionately called it, was very tight, and at times I ended up taking it off because it felt as though it was cutting off the circulation in my stump and leg. When I told Dr. E. about how badly it fit, he showed me how to use a simple ace wrap to do the same thing as the 'shrink stumper', but with a less uncomfortable outcome. As time passed, by stump shrinked consideraly, much quicker than I had thought possible.

I was still walking with my walker, working 4 days a week at my job which entailed getting out of my car, getting into the building I worked in and making my way to my office. This usually took about 10 minutes to do. Getting around the office had finally become easier. My desk was placed so I could reach files and the necessary things I needed to have to do my job. The only thing I dreaded daily was having to go to the ladies room. It was a trek over desert terrain and a climb through small spaces not meant for a walker. I know, it wasn't really desert terrain, though at the time I thought it was. I timed myself one time to see how long it took me to just make a trip to the ladies room and it took a total of 17 minutes! Having to move down long hallways, make a right into another hallway and then trying to open a door that was as heavy as a bar of gold bullion was enough to tire the Pope out!!! But I did it....Those at work were very supportive, and most were able to ask questions and not be embarrassed about my condition. But I did have one cute experience I can't pass up telling you about.

One of the ladies in the office had a little girl, she was about 4 years old. Her mom had to pick her up at day care because she wasn't feeling well and since her mom had a little work she had to do before she could take her home, she brought her back to the office. Of course, you can imagine her surprise to see a lady sitting at a desk with this big silver thing (my walker) and a pant leg that didn't have anything in it. She was so cute...she followed me to the copy machine room, to the coffee room and back to my desk several times, not quite sure what to think. I finally turned around in my chair and smiled at her. 'Hi Kelsey" I said. "How are you doing?" I asked her. She looked at me and then down at where my leg should have been, then back up at me. I smiled again as she did another take on my leg. She then came a little closer to me and looked me straight in the eye and asked "Where's your other shoe?" I burst out laughing and the rest of the office did as well. Of course, her mother could have crawled into a deep hole, but I reassured her that Kelsey's question didn't bother me in the least. I very calmly, and in her terms, told her I lost my foot so I couldn't wear a shoe. She looked at me again and smiled then said, "oh, okay." and went about checking out the other rooms of the office. It was a simple explanation for a 4 year old and she was satisfied with the answer. God Bless the Kids!!!!! Their innocence is what makes their questions so easy for them to ask. I've never turned away from a child when they ask a question. I hope my straightforwardness with them will help educate them in the things that can happen in a persons life and that asking questions never hurts.

Of course, I can't say that for adults. Unfortunately they rarely show the innocent curiosity of a child. Most of the time it's revulsion or sheer stupidity. I had set my sites on getting back into a sense of normalcy for myself as well as for my family. Prior to losing my leg we were avid garage sale hunters and auction attentees. One day, while at a garage sale, I had gotten out of my car (by this time I was wearing my first temporary prosthesis, I haven't gotten to that part chronilocigally yet) and I had opened the car door (I was driving), grabbed my cane and was heading for the tables at the garagle sale. I noticed a woman and a man walking along in my line of sight. The woman stared first at me and then down at my leg and immediately grabbed her husband by the arm, whispered something to him and then pointed in my direction. He stared at me, both of them did without any regard of how their stares were making me feel very uncomfortable. When I got to the table, they continued to stare, whispering behind their hands until I could no longer stand the embarrassment. I went back to the car while my husband and son stayed to check out the garage sale. To say the least, I didn't mention any of it to my husband or son until after we were in the car and gone from the sale. Both of them were on pins and needles and were ready to 're-educate', as my son put it, the couple. But I learned a lesson in the experience. Not everyone is going to accept my handicap, and as we all know, we can't please everyone. Those adults who are courteous and kind and ask questions because they are genuinely interested, I don't mind answering any questions at all...but every now and then you will find an rude, uneducated person who thinks staring at you will answer their questions. I've had people go so far as to follow me around the grocery store. My husband was fit to be tied, but I've learned to accept those kind of people. In reality, we really don't have a choice.

Getting back to my first prosthesis....Of course in my mind, I just knew I was going to be walking outside of a week!!! I just knew it!!! But first, I had to be fitted for my very first one. There are a lot of details needed in getting your first prosthesis. My prosthetist almost didn't do the molding because my incision line still wasn't completely healed, but with a little persuasion on my part, he went ahead with it. Here is how it was done for me:

Visit 1 First, I was taken to the casting room. There I was fitted with a long sock that went over my stump and was attached around my waste with elastic garters to keep the sock in place. Mr. G (as I'll call him) then took a blue pencil and marked on the sock any areas on my stump that needed marking. Areas such as my knee, any protruding areas from bones and soft areas that might need some added support. He then placed a bucket of warm water under my stump (I'm sitting on an exam table, by the way) and dipped the resin-based rolls in the warm water to get them soft. After they were soft he began wrapping my stump with the sock on it with the rolls. He went up close to my knee. The feeling was very strange, the warm water felt nice and yet it was a tight fit on my stump. We waited while the resin rolls got hard. This was the mold he would start with to make my first prosthesis. That was the beginning of the journey to taking my first step.

Visit 2 This was the first time I would feel my new prosthesis on my stump and the first step I would have taken in 5 months. You always take walking for granted. I did. It's something we don't really think about doing, until we can no longer do it. Being confined to a wheelchair for 5 months wasn't easy, on myself or my family. I had been wearing the 'Shrink Stumper' for the past month, which decreased the size of my stump and turned it conical.

I was anxious, nervous and just a little scared with this new leg. I had waited 5 long months to take my first step and yet when it was placed right there in front of me, I wanted to bolt. But my prosthetist was great! He was an amputee himself and knew what I was going through. With his patience and my fading fear, we managed to get my new prosthesis on. The first thing Mr. G did was place a soft, white 3-ply sock over my stump. He gave me several different size 'socks' because with this new prosthesis, I was going to continue to shrink my stump and the added activity of learning to walk again was going to increase the shrinkage.

Next Mr. G place my stump into the 'bucket' part of the prosthesis. This was attached to a metal pole that had a rather hard foot attached to it. Now this foot was interesting. It had toes, even toenails and veins along the top part of the foot. Not very realistic in the scheme of things, but realistic enough.

Now with my stump safely inside the 'bucket', the next step was to place the 'sleeve' over the bucket and up over onto my thigh. The 'sleeve' was a black, soft rubbery kind of material. Very durable and yet strong at the same time.

The next step was to roll the rubbery sleeve up onto my thigh and make a snug fit between the 'sleeve' and the 'bucket'. Mr. G had me stand up to get my balance and feel the weight on the end of my stump. This was a new sensation and something I was going to have to get use to. Now he was ready to adjust for the length of my new prosthesis.

It's a good thing I have a great sense of humor, or else I could have really gotten frustrated with figuring out the length of my new leg. At one point my right hip was about an inch out of alignment with my left which made me feel like Long John Silver at first, but, after a few adjustments, I was even on both sides.

I didn't start the 100 yard dash right away (I never have for that matter!), but I did manage to walk along the parallel bars, holding on of course, for dear life. But you can't know the exhilaration I felt in taking that first step, no matter how scared I was, I'll never forget how it felt to stand on two legs for the first time in five months. It was that moment I realized just how much I took walking for granted.

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