| Hello LadyAmp, I realize you don't know me, but i was looking online for country graphics to help assist me in the building of my own family site. (I'm also a graphic and html computer nerd as well... o shoot i'm a computer addict :) ). Anyway on doing so i happened along your site and have found it to be very interesting due to the fact not only is the layout beautiful i must say, but also on reading some of the content. On reading it i was struck hard into tears. I am so greatly sorry for what you have had to endure. But i do understand your families pain and what they have had to go through. Your story seems almost identical to that of what has happened in our family. Only my mother had taken a bit of a fall and gotten a small cut on her foot and with her already being a diabetic, and also her pardon me but country girl hard headedness she ignored it and hoped for it to clear up on it's own. (A trait of which myself and my sister's all have and are all working on trying to rectify immediately) Unfortunately though she waited to long and also lost her leg. That was 3 years ago. This past July she was taken in to have her other leg amputated as well. And much to my families heart ache during surgery and with her diabetes the surgery didn't go to well. As the docs and ourselves hoped and prayed the following days after surgery for things to get better. Then she had gotten a small infection in her amputation wound that for some reason just seemed to attack her body and began shutting down her internal organs slowly. Which brought on a massive heart attack that the doctors were barely able to bring her back from. Needless to say on July 7th at 4:30 in the afternoon my father and 3 sister's and our families after a conference with the doctors and it being a very long and drawn out discussion. (Unfortunately our mother could not be apart of it due to her serious incoherentcy, and massive drug intake. She never was even aware if we were in the room or not, as her body was vastly going down hill) We were told that the likelyhood of more heart attacks is greatly high and in short she is slowly dying. And if she was to ever leave the hospital, which was slim and next to no chance, but us so very hopeful on our part to begin with it would be to a home for round the clock care. The choices the docs gave us was either too A) leave her as she is, and keep her drugged till what the docs knew what would inevitablly happen or B) we as her family could take matters in our hands and send her to our great Lord almighty peacefully with us at her side in the most humane way possible without her suffering any longer. My older sister (34) and myself(30) being the two eldest children took over for our father at that point as he has medical issues and was having his own problems as well with the pending situation. So we two girls stepped in and up for Dad and told the docs as much as it killed us inside to do so. We opted to let Mom go peacefully. It was set up the sooner the better for all. As we all knew this ampution operation she just wasn't ever coming home to us again. So we wanted her to at least let her go home to God in as less pain as possible. She had been in pain and suffering long enough. That same Monday July 7th at now 6:30pm my Mom passed away with my Father, myself and 3 other sister's and my own husband and my sister's spouse's all in my mom's ICU room all holding hands in a circle around her bed and in prayer with and for her. Sounds like a TV movie of the week i know. But it's what had happened. Even as i write this now after some time has past it all is still so very surreal and my tears never cease. Mom passed away at 56 years old, married for 35 years to Dad, and left behind Dad, my older sister of 34, myself 30, the second youngest of 28 and the youngest of 24. As well as 6 grandchildren ranging in age from 17years old to 2 1/2 months old. It is still so very hard for me. I'm having difficulties in understanding it all. At mom's 56 years old just seems too soon. Anyway i apologize for all of this and you don't even know me. But on reading your story hit so many emotional chords for me, i felt so very compelled to write you. I do so hope and pray your doing so much better, and please please for the love of God and all that's holy, do not wait or put off anything medical. You fight with everything you've got and every step of the way, and never give up! Life's too precious and you have so much to offer the world and love to give! My sister and i talk in great lengths even now wondering if we did the right thing for mom and if she could or would ever forgive us girls for having the machines removed. Dad says she would and would have thanked, wanted and have been proud of us 2 girls for doing what we felt needed to be done or what she would have wanted. As he agree's our decision was for the best for her. Though it doesn't make us girls guilt feel any better, and it's something we'll spend the rest of our lives wondering the what if's and why did she put it off or wait so long to go to the docs. My 10 year old son was the honary paulbearer at her funeral and still asks me why did Nana wait as does my 12 year old daughter. Question's i can't answer for them, as i myself have asked and want to know the very same thing. This Christmas will be our families first without our Mother, and already it's not easy. As i told my Dad "I feel like a 30 year old orphan". Again i am sorry as you do not know me. But just to let you know the worst case scenario's of putting things off, of amputee's and for their families. I feel i need to educate, urge, beg, plead, hope and pray that other's don't need to go through what my family has had too. The aftermath of unanswered questions from those left behind is something that weighs on them heavily. The after heart emptiness and ache to losing someone is hard, but to lose them in this manner, so young, and with unanswered questions is unsurmountable. Procastination hurts and scars everyone. Thank you so very much for sharing your experiences and story. It helped clear up somethings my mother had a hard time telling us about and will gladly pass it along to other members of my family to help in our continuously striving for understanding and healing process. By all means contact me, as when i get my site built i'm going to be definately placing your site on my links and highly recommended sites. Keep up the awesome work! If you would like to put this letter on your site as a warning to other's who put things off medically your most certainly welcome too. I'm sure i have babbled on long enough. From a 30 yr old orphan, Kat a.k.a Passion P.S. Thank you for helping me remember. As much as it pains my heart, my tears are filled with love and laughter for my dearly departed Momma. Thank you Thank you from the depths of my soul for helping me remember. I never want to forget. |